Ahh . . . home. It’s a place, an address, a location for our stuff. But we all know that’s only the beginning. There’s also an emotional, nostalgic, comforting side of home. Poets, screenwriters, newscasters and authors know about home and feelings. When they connect them, we’re reaching for the Kleenex®.

Think you’re above the emotional pull of home? That you’re too big for childhood sentimentality? Try reading Dorothy’s words from the last scene of the classic film Wizard of Oz without goose bumps or a sniffle: “Oh, but anyway, Toto, we're home. Home! And this is my room, and you're all here. And I'm not gonna leave here ever, ever again, because I love you all, and - oh, Auntie Em - there's no place like home!”

We not only feel the pull of home, but we also talk and write about it a lot. “Home” ranks 162 in the list of most frequently used English words. It occurs more frequently in our language than “house” (187), a word with far less emotional punch. “Apartment” and “condo” don’t even make the Top 500 word list.

Home is far bigger than our personal space. In God Bless America, Irving Berlin called the U.S.A “My home sweet home!” Francis Scott Key agreed. In The Star Spangled Banner, he wrote that we Americans live in “the land of the free, and the home of the brave.” Our grand old flag, said songwriter George M. Cohan, is a symbol of “the land I love, the home of the free and the brave.”

We just can’t leave the poor word alone. We’ve combined “home” with dozens of other words to create even bigger ideas: homesick, homeroom, homework, home place, home page, homerun, home stretch, home fires, hometown and more recently, home office. Home is a fixture of our daily lives whether we have one or not.

Without a Home

With today’s shaky economy, not having a home has become more common. Many in Rowan County have lost their jobs, home equity, home loans, home mortgages and as a consequence, home itself. Some have moved from home to an apartment; others from home to the street.

Jack and Rob live on the streets of Salisbury and spend their nights at the shelter provided by Rowan Helping Ministries. Both worked in construction until jobs dried up. When asked what home meant to him, Jack, age 59 and a graduate of Rowan-Cabarrus Community College, put his head down and thought. It is the first time in 59 years that he’s been homeless. Although he stores his extra clothes at Rowan Helping Ministries and gets his mail there, he does not consider it home. “Not even in a small way,” he emphasized. “This is where I lay my head down for eight to nine hours. Nobody here wants to be here. ”

Rob then spoke up. He is 46, has a GED and is divorced with a teenage daughter who lives with her mother. He came to Rowan Helping Ministries after spending eight months with friends. “Friends are kind of like home. Anyone who has the heart to take you in -- that’s home.”

Hearing Rob speak of friends caused an epiphany for Jack. “Home is a place where you have family around you,” he said. “And it’s a place where you feel needed.”

Maybe we take for granted the simple aspects of home like family and being needed - until they’re gone.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Five-year-olds look at home far differently. Many of the 24 children interviewed recently at St. John’s Kindergarten in Salisbury were not old enough to make a clear distinction between home and their house. The two concepts seemed interchangeable.

“What’s your favorite thing about home,” we asked. The answers were loud and clear: pets and stuffed animals. Cameron Burleyson could not say enough about his two pups and how he enjoyed playing with them. Ian Lance was glad his parents got another dog after his first one died. Sydney Hlavacek loved playing hide and seek with . . . her fish! After pets and stuffed animals, if there was a baby at home, that new brother or sister was a favorite aspect of home, at least for girls. Boys? Playing with light sabers and toys and watching TV were among their favorites, not babies.

What do these children think of when they hear the word “home?” The number one answer was family. “My parents,” said Chance Mako. “Mom and Dad,” said Emily Frick. “Helping my Mom,” added Cameron Burleyson. Close behind family was play. Cas Medlin loved playing inside and outside; both were what he thought of as home. While it may dismay parents who provide a loving environment for their children, “Home base” came in third. Five children thought of baseball before family or play. Blame Pavlov.

“How do you feel when you come home after being away on vacation or at your grandparents?” Happy and good were far and away the top answers. A few felt understandably tired and sleepy. Home felt “weird” to Natalie Lippard after coming back from vacation. Anna Mead thought that her house “looked different” after being away.

As long as a house has pets, stuffed animals, family and toys, kids are happy and at home.

Old Folks at Home

Add a few years to life and our ideas of home change. When people in the autumn of their life think of home is it their childhood home they first recall - the place where Mom, Dad, pets, stuffed animals and toys reside? Leanne Swift, an LPN at Lutheran Home at Trinity Oaks for the past 16 years, doesn’t think so. “When people here think of home they think of when they raised their children. That goes for both men and women.”

Five minutes earlier Pauline Iddings, age 104, validated LPN Swift’s observation. When she thought of home it was “when I had children.”

Has the nursing home become home to her? “Yes, it has,” said Mrs. Iddings. “They serve regular meals. They change the bed linens.”

Ruth Bernhardt, 95, who for years taught biology at Granite Quarry High School, agreed. In a wheelchair like so many nursing home residents, she remarked that “I couldn’t possibly go back to my previous home.”

Kathy Sperry, one of the younger residents at 66, made it unanimous: “These people are like my family.” She enjoys all the activities the home provides because “I don’t like to be by myself too much.”

Maxine Casper, who lives in a one-bedroom apartment on the lower level of Lutheran Home, was even more exuberant. “This is the next thing to heaven. I feel very safe here. They have good food. I have wonderful friends. All my needs are met. This is home now. The only way to get me out of here is to send in the sheriff!”

From this unscientific Rowan County survey, it appears that as we age, our ideas of home change. They begin with the home we inherit, progress to the home we create - and possibly lose – and conclude with the home we need.

Although the home we create seems to be the one we hang on to in old age, the home we inherit never leaves. Asked about her childhood home, Pauline Iddings quickly recalled a memory that has survived for at least 100 years. “When my father got home from work, he would get cleaned up and take me on his lap and sing, “My bonnie lies over the ocean/My bonnie lies over the sea/ My bonnie lies over the ocean/Oh bring back my bonnie to me.”

Now that’s a recollection that might raise a goose bump or two.
 
Story by Pete Prunkl
Photography by Don Moose